Lovehoney Hourglass Mini Dress – Lingerie Review
So, here is something I’ve never done… reviewed a lingerie item. I’m branching out, look at me, aren’t you proud? This is stepping outside of my reviewer comfort zone just a bit, if it doesn’t vibrate and I don’t stick it up my butt or into my vagina… what in the world am I supposed to say about it? I guess I’ll just start typing and we will find out together!
The folks are Lovehoney have really been pretty fantastic to me, their awesome affiliate rep (who has since moved on to a new job, whaaaaaaa) would say “hey, what do you want this month?” and I would be all “Umm… vibrators? All the vibrators? Things that vibrate” and she would respond with “No problem!” and then a package would arrive with vibrators! It was probably the most magical relationship I’ve ever had with a person. Before breaking up with me… errr… I mean leaving for to pursue other opportunities the affiliate rep sent me the usual “whatcha want” email and this time I said… “let’s shake things up a bit, I want to try reviewing lingerie!” Looking back on this, I’m not really sure what got into me… lingerie? I’m still wearing underwear I owned in highschool… who do I think I am ordering lingerie?! But, I got an email back with a link to the lingerie section and a message that read “which one?” So… I poured over the page, trying to decide which piece of lingerie would be the most practical… I didn’t want it to be like a bridesmaids dress, I would wear it once then let it rot in my closet because the occasion to wear it a second time never arises. So, I went with the Lovehoney Hourglass Mini Dress, because it looked like something I could flounce about in this January when I make my annual trek to Internext/AVN trade shows in Las Vegas. I could totally rock this dress at parties, right?
Even though there is a Lovehoney US all my review products come from Lovehoney UK, so it was a bit of a wait before the package actually arrived. I had actually semi forgotten that I had chose to review a lingerie item until the box finally arrived and I opened it up. Then I had an “oh shit… what have” I done moment. How do I review lingerie, what do I say about it?! But I quickly calmed down after I convinced myself it wouldn’t be any different than reviewing a leather collar or wrist restraints.
As I opened the box I was kind of expecting to find the dress just folded up maybe in a plastic bag or something, so I was a little thrown when inside my box was another box, a black and purple Lovehoney branded cardboard box. When I pulled the dress from its packaging I laughed, it looked like a shriveled up bit of panty hose. I honestly thought there was no way I was going to be able to squeeze myself into that dress. There was no way I was going to squeeze one thigh into that dress. WHAT IS THIS?! A DRESS FOR ANTS?! I laughed and laughed and held it up for my Stunt Cock to see and he laughed and we bonded over how ridiculously small and shriveled this dress looked.
However even as ridiculous as it looked, I persevered! I slipped my legs through and began to gently tug and stretch the dress, puling it further and further up my body and I was kind of surprised that I managed to pull it all the way on without any rips, tears or runs. Even though it feels flimsy like a pair of panty hose, the Lovehoney Hourglass Mini Dress must be made of tougher stuff (but I’d still be careful with sharp nails). The dress does seem to have a lot of stretch to it and once it was stretched out it retained more of a dress like shape.
Wearing it feels… weird… and drafty… but also kind of sexy. Like I said before, I am totally not a lingerie person, the sexiest thing I own is a pair of Captain America pj pants, so I felt totally out of place wearing this get up. But as I got used to being so exposed I actually did start to feel kind of sexy. The front of the dress (which for some reason I did not snap any pictures of… because I’m obsessed with the back of the dress and butts apparently) is an opaque black with a low neckline that is great for showing off a little cleavage. The back is where the real party is happening. The entire back of the dress is comprised of an extra-wide black fishnet and leaves very little to the imagination… skin… skin as far as the eye can see. It is also surprisingly comfortable to wear, it didn’t feel at all restricting even though it is very form fitting, I was concerned that if I were to be wearing it for any length of time that the dress would constantly ride up and need to be adjusted with (having to fidget with ones clothes is not usually sexy) but for the most part the Hourglass Mini Dress stayed put. The extra high hemline really helped to elongate my legs and looked doubly sexy with a pair of my tall stripper heels. I imagine if I were to wear this out for a night of dancing, it might ride up a bit, but cat-walking around the bedroom was fine. Also, when they say this is a mini dress, they really do mean mini! I am about 5’8 and this dress sat right under my butt and was about the same for the other ladies who tried it on and modeled it for me. It is a one size fits all, which Lovehoney says is a US size 8 – 16. There is also a larger version which Lovehoney says should fit a US size 18 – 24 for more inclusive sizing, because everyone should feel sexy in a LBD!
I felt solidly slutty in this dress. If you are looking for something sexy for the bedroom or something adventurous to wear out to the club and don’t want to spend a whole lot of money, the Lovehoney Hourglass Mini Dress is worth the price. Pair it with a pair of stockings or some killer hooker heels and you have got yourself one hell of an outfit! And if black isn’t your think the Lovehoney Hourglass Mini Dress is also available in red, white, and turquoise!
The Lovehoney Hourglass Mini Dress was provided to me free of charge by Lovehoney in exchange for my honest review.