MEO HurtMe DeLuxe Swatter with Anal Ball – Sex Toy Review
Anyone need a spanking? ‘Cause Mistress has got a new toy…
There are two things that instantly bring out the malicious Domme in me. Strap-ons and impact toys. There is something about those two items that instantly changes my mindset from bratty little sub to full on Mistress mode. I love it, I’m normally pretty shy and willing to take orders (with a little sass of course)… there is nothing Domme or take charge about me, that is unless I possess a strap-on or impact toy, then suddenly I am transformed! With the right impact toy in my hand I suddenly become bossy, demanding, confident, and just a little bit of a sadist…
With that in mind, I bet you can imagine what happened when MEO sent me the HurtMe DeLuxe Swatter with Anal Ball… MUHAHAHAHahaha… “Bend over and tell Mistress you’ve been a bad, bad boy!” Yowza, this thing is a beast! I love the way it THWACKS. I don’t know any other way to describe it… THWACK seems to be an all encompassing way to describe everything about this impact toy, from the way it sounds to the way it feels. It is a THWACKING machine!
My Stunt Cock graciously agreed to go first and be my spanking guinea pig. Small tangent here, on my first date with my Stunt Cock (before we realized we were both perverts) we played a game of high stakes chess (I’m terrible at chess, I knew I was going to lose before we even started) and the winner got to choose what we would do next. Well, predictably I lost and he got to choose our next activity… he decided we would watch Penny Flame’s Expert Guide to Rough Sex. So, it is there that I learned the art of spanking… and also learned he was as big of a pervert as I was. Anyway, drawing on my memories of that video and bent Stunt Cock over the bed and let the swatter crack against the fleshy parts of his ass. I can not get over how amazing the sound is! It is a very clear CRACK, a beautiful sound! It is also surprisingly lightweight, I thought for sure it would be much heavier, especially with the anal ball at the end, but it was really easy for my to swing and did not exhaust my arm, even after swinging it around for a good 10 minutes or more. From the spankers perspective, the MEO HurtMe DeLuxe gets a solid gold star from me!
Now as the spankee, when the tables were turned and it was my turn to bend over… I suddenly liked the HurtMe DeLuxe a whole lot less…
Fair warning, I’m kind of a wuss when it comes to actually getting spanked. I LOVE the idea of spanking and I am totally turned on by some light spanking but this was no cutesy little impact toy that is all bark and no bite. The MEO HurtMe DeLuxe means business, serious business… so I was 100% petrified to have this bad boy used on my delicate little bottom… I mean, just look at it… ‘hurt me’ is right there in the name! No! Don’t hurt me Daddy, I’ll be a good girl! Before this leather swatter, I have never even owned an impact toy before, we just made do with natures impact toy – hands. So… being an impact toy novice, starting out with something called the HurtMe DeLuxe Swatter with Anal Ball was a bit intimidating to say the least. However, I am a good sport, I’ll try almost anything at least once!
When Stunt Cock struck the first blow I squealed so loud I startled even myself! I was not expecting it to sting so much! But it was a good sting… a sting I didn’t mind feeling again and again… even though I squealed and squirmed after each blow. I have to admit though, it did start to get overwhelming pretty quickly, unlike a hand, which covers a broader swath of flesh, the HurtMe DeLuxe Swatter managed to stay in a pretty concentrated area and had a pretty heavy slap… my poor red bum. Eventually I had to yell “nautilus” which is my safe word. If you are wondering why nautilus, it’s because I’m awesome… and also I heard a really bizarre sex fact about the paper nautilus… something about it having a detachable penis. I feel like we are getting really off topic here…
Back to the HurtMe DeLuxe… Construction wise this swatter is a fantastic piece, it’s made of several layers of quality cow leather (sorry, not vegan!) double stitched and set inside of a stainless steel handle/anal ball combo and secured with three exposed screws. The screws are a bit of a bother to me, since they do remain exposed… which while adds to the industrial feel of the toy makes cleaning a bit of a bitch. Since the handle is meant to be insertable, gunk can, does and will collects in the crevices of those inset screws, meaning I’ve got to brush them out with a tooth brush. This may not be a huge deal for most people, but if you have been reading my blog… you know that I am chronically lazy, especially when it comes to cleaning.
While overall the swatter looks pretty clean and polished, there is an area at the top of the handle, where the leather meets metal, where the metal portion looks very rough and unfinished. It sort of cheapens the whole toy in my opinion. Unless you were looking down into the toy, you probably wouldn’t even notice… but I noticed and it kind of bothers me. It doesn’t feel rough or splintery to the touch, just looks that way. I wish they could have gone just that small extra step to polish that down smooth like the rest of the handle.
The anal ball portion of the HurtMe DeLuxe is a whole adventure of itself. It’ts like you get two sex toys for the price of one! Anally, it is a bit much for me. Because it is so round, with no tapered tip, I find it kind of uncomfortable to insert without the help of a heck of a lot of lube and being really warmed up. Once it’s in, it feels good, very filling. If you happen to own a vagina, I totally recommend trying the anal ball out in that particular hole… it hit my g-spot just right! It sort of reminded me of the large ball end of the Njoy Pure Wand, the way it bumped and rubbed and nearly made me squirt! I prefer to use it that way… in fact, I’m going to go ahead and rename this the MEO HurtMe DeLuxe Swatter with Vagina Ball. My Stunt Cock didn’t let me use the anal ball end on him… yet. He will warm up to the idea eventually… when he does, I’ll report back to you guys!
Leather is a porous material, which means you wont be able to totally sanitize your paddle, however the stainless steel handle can be. The tricky part is washing your handle without ruining your leather! Leather will absorb water, so you’ll want to use as little of it as possible when cleaning. Basic household hand soaps and dish soaps can damage dyed leather as well, which can cause cracks and frays. Also, the oils in both soaps and lubricants can stain leather… so if possible, you are going to want to find a soap that is made specifically for cleaning leather like a saddle soap or specialty leather wipes. It should be possible to dip the metal handle into boiling water, if you are wanting to clean it that way. Once you have finished cleaning the swatter, pay dry with a clean towel to remove any excess moisture from the leather and you are good to go! Over time and with heavy use, you may find that it is necessary to use a leather conditioner on the swatter to keep the leather from wearing out or cracking. I know this all sounds like a lot, but its worth caring for your leather pieces! If you are good to it, it will be good to you!
If you are looking for an impact toy with a satisfying thud and thwack this is it, you’ve found it. The MEO HurtME DeLuxe is a great toy and would be a great addition to anyone’s BDSM collection! Not entirely sure I would recommend this toy for those new and unfamiliar with impact play, like I said earlier, this toy is a beast and there is some potential to hurt yourself or your partner if you don’t know what you are doing (there is an art and skill to spanking, believe it or not!). I’d consider myself a impact play noob and I did land a few more painful than expected slaps to my Stunt Cock, a few slaps in his no-no zones, one accidental kidney shot… so you do need to be somewhat mindful of where you slap as well as how hard you slap! But overall, this is a very nice toy, the anal ball *VAGINA BALL* is a fun addition and makes the HurtMe DeLuxe stand out a bit from other paddles… like I said, its a two for one deal!
Do you have some serious spanking to do? Pick up the MEO HurtMe DeLuxe Swatter with Anal Ball directly from those cool Germans at MEO! It is an international shop, but they do ship world wide (and surprisingly quickly)!
MEO HurtMe DeLuxe Swatter with Anal Ball was provided to me free of charge by MEO in exchange for my honest review.