Primal Hardwere Krubera Ovipositor – Sex Toy Review
Just take a moment to look at this toy. Just take a nice long look. I swear, it gets weirder the longer I look at it. I feel like it belongs in some sort of video game, like maybe Silent Hill. For real, this is by far the weirdest toy to grace my vagina yet. What we are looking at here is the Krubera by Primal Hardwere. Krubera is the second toy in their line of ovipositor toys, the first being Splorch (an equally weird looking toy).
I first encountered Primal Hardwere’s ovipositor toys on tumblr (you can find anything on tumblr). A bulging, egg filled, Splorch scrolled across my dashboard feed… I remember thinking “what the heck is that?” I had to know more, I was now on a mission! I was quickly able to discover that it was made by a company called Primal Hardwere, then a one quick Google search later I was looking at their website. That was the point of no return, from that moment I knew I had to get my hands on an ovipositor, I had to know what it felt like, I needed to give birth to my own clutch of eggs… FOR SCIENCE!
Primal Hardewere (at least at the time of this posting) don’t appear to carry a large selection of toys, but what they do offer seems pretty interesting! Besides the ovipositors they offer such toys as Petunia the tentacle, Pedro a cactus, or Pride a very well endowed cat. They also have a small collection of wearables, which I thought looked pretty neat, something I will have to have Stunt Cock try out some day!
But anyway, back to my new friend, Krubera. Looking at this toy on their website caused my curiosity to get the best of me, I had to know more. I quickly emailed the company, though response time was a little slow, they were super friendly and ready to help me out. Before long my very own review copy of Krubera was on its way to my door. Shipping was very quick, something I always marvel at from companies who do custom toys.
The Krubera averages out at about $109.99 more or less, depending on your customization.
For my toy, I asked to be surprised. I was having too much anxiety over picking my own color… what if I chose wrong?! Complete toy customization is clearly not meant for one as neurotic as myself, very stressful. After receiving my toy in the mail, I can honestly say I am not disappointed by asking them to choose. Clearly, they know what they are doing. My Krubera was a dark green with swirly bits of black or possibly dark blue. The base is black with what looks like glitter in it. I love things that glitter and sparkle. For real, I could just end the review here and say “It had glitter. It’s a winner. The end.”
But, I’m sure the rest of you aren’t as easily impressed with glitter, so lets push on.
So, what are the down and dirty stats for Krubera?
- total height: 10.5″
- shaft length: 9.5″
- diameter: 2″ (without eggs in it)
- shaft circumference: 6.5″
So, over all, not a massive toy, (unlike my last review with the Incredible Hunk, ouch!). Without the eggs in it, it was very easily inserted, but it lacked any real texture or firmness to do much for me. The squishy head was good for teasing my clit, but once inserted the toy fell flat.
That being said, out of the box, this is not what I would call an instant gratification toy. This is the first sex toy I have ever owned where some culinary skill is required.
The gelatin eggs are pretty straightforward. Primal Hardwere even provides the egg mold and instructions along with its ovipositor toys! Now, when you are rushing to the grocery store for gelatin, don’t be like me, read the instructions first. It takes at least 20oz of gelatin to fill up all six egg mold slots… but, because of my lack of reading comprehension (I was just really excited to use this toy…) I bought the smaller box of gelatin, which turns out to be only 1oz worth of powder. So, in the end I was only able to make three eggs. Live and learn! Also, it is worth mentioning – DO NOT BUY JELL-O! I repeat: NO JELL-O. Jell-o is not going to be body safe, you’ll give yourself a yeast infection so fast it will make your head spin. The brand I used was Knox original, unflavored, gelatin. You should be able to find that at just about any grocery store.
Assembling the eggs was pretty easy, although having a funnel would have greatly improved our egg making venture! If you don’t have a funnel, I recommend finding one, it can get messy pouring the liquid hot gelatin into the molds otherwise.
When all is said and done, you will be left with glorious, rubber, bouncy, alien-esque eggs about the size of a chicken’s. Now the real fun can begin!
Getting the eggs into the toy turned out to be an adventure in itself. When all lubed up, the gelatin eggs were hard to hold on to! We ended up with eggs flying every which way, it was hysterical… not at all good for setting a sexy mood, but great fun! It took my boyfriend and I at least 10 minutes to get everything locked and loaded. The Krubera was able to hold my three eggs perfectly, I’m not sure we could have squeezed anymore into it, so my reading blunder didn’t cause us to miss out on too much fun.
Once this toy was put through its sexual paces, I kept waiting for “something” to happen. There was very little magic for me in this. The shaft of this toy is so smooth that it provided very little in the way of stimulation. With the eggs inside, it does add an extra feeling of bumpy fullness when its inside, but not enough for me to call it stimulating. Granted, the purpose of this toy is probably not for thrusting stimulation. And interestingly, on their website they also add the little disclaimer “This item is sold as a novelty only. We’re not responsible for how you choose to use it.” I chose to use it in my vagina. Because I’m a pervert. I did see a video somewhere on youtube where the ovipositor was being used as means to do Jell-O shoots. So there are probably all sorts of reasons why you need an ovipositor! How can you afford not to have one?!
With a few squeezes, the gelatin eggs were milked out of Krubera and deposited safely in my vagina… (I can’t believe I have typed those words.). This part was weird. But not weird bad. Just… weird. Its sort of like having large Kegel balls run amok in your vagina. They did give a somewhat pleasurable feeling of fullness, but I couldn’t stop thinking about having gelatin in my vagina. So, kind of not sexy.
Listen to it pop and squelch…
Getting the eggs into my vagina, easy. Getting the eggs out of my vagina, ridiculous. I literally had to squat and lay eggs. Yep, I can now say that I know what its like to lay eggs. One egg felt like it got wedge up there pretty deep and I had a small panic attack that I was going to have to live the rest of my life with an alien egg tuck up inside me. Thankfully, I was able to push it free. I suppose, being gelatin, I didn’t really have to worry, eventually it was bound to melt and disintegrate… right?
The head of this toy is neat though. It has an interesting shape and some good ridges that feel good to rub against. So if you need this toy to bring you to orgasm, using the head for clitoral stimulation is a viable option I think.
Now, my opinion is that I think this toy needs a very specific fetish or fantasy to help the user to orgasm. As a sex toy in and of itself, I don’t think the Krubera has a whole lot of power. But, as a prop in a larger sexual fantasy or role playing session, its a winner. I have never seen anything like this toy before, its very unique, the novelty of it is fun. I spent a joyous amount of time just squeezing it and chasing my boyfriend with it, its a great prop!
So, my verdict of Primal Hardwere’s Krubera? Well, are you looking for a sex toy that will get you off by thrusting alone? Then no, this toy is not for you. Are you looking for a sex toy to incorporate into a fetish/fantasy/role-playing session? Are you bored with the mundane? Ready to try out something totally unique and outside of the box? Then yes, the Primal Hardwere Krubera might be just what you are looking for! Now, I want to pack this up in my carry-on luggage the next time I fly, just to give the TSA something to wonder about… hmmm….
Do you need your own Krubera Ovipositor? They are available for customization and purchase at PrimalHardwere.com. Tell them Kitten sent you! Sure, that probably won’t mean anything to anyone, but doesn’t it sound elite to say?
The Primal Hardwere Krubera was provided to me free of charge by Primal Hardewere in exchange for my honest review.