Number One Laboratory B.J. – Sex Toy Review

I have many sexual fantasies. Many of them are totally unrealistic, like having Dr. Strange fold time around me while Loki and the 10th Doctor double team me in the Tardis while Kate Mckinnon tells me facts about her cat. And some of them are a bit more mundane, like being tied up and forced to orgasm. Then there are the fantasies that I thought could never be possible… but it turns out… they are! One such fantasy is receiving a blow job from a man until I orgasm… and no, I’m not talking cunnilingus, I mean a straight up suck-my-dick-until-I-come blow job. But I know what you’re saying, “but Kitten, you don’t have a dick! …. Do you?”

You’re absolutely right, I don’t have a biological penis of my own. But now thanks to Number One Laboratory I am now the proud owner of a penis that is designed to suck.

Meet B.J. the blow job dildo.

When I was first approached to review the B.J. I was both intrigued and confused. After watching a kind of vague video about the B.J., I wasn’t really given the most obvious answer… what exactly is it and how exactly does it work? I mean, sure, to your average person it probably should be pretty obvious, I mean, it is called the B.J. and wears the tag line “designed to suck” but I still wanted someone to spell it out for me. I guess I’m just not good at subtle.

Also, apparently everyone and their brother has already heard of the B.J., like seriously… when I posted a picture of my brand new B.J. on Twitter I got like a bajillion comments from people telling me how excited they are for the review, and they have been wanting one of these, etc. How am I the only person on the planet to not have known a blow job dildo existed? Once again, you are all proving to be terrible internet friends, this is something you all should have told me. What else are you keeping from me?

Anyway, long back story aside, my first thoughts after using the B.J. was “hey, this kind of feels like the Womanizer, but like… 100% better.” And I thought I liked the Womanizer, but after feeling the suction available to my clit from the B.J., well, I don’t know how I’m ever going to go back. Sorry Womanizer, it’s not you… it’s me… I think we should see other people.

My B.J. arrived packaged in a clear, resealable, plastic bag with a B.J. labeled on one side and material/care instructions/company info on the other. Pretty simple, nothing flashy, but I appreciate not having a large box emblazoned with giant penises that I need to discreetly dispose of in a way my neighbors won’t see it sitting in the trash. And since the bag is resealable, I’ve been using it as my B.J.s storage pouch, may not be fancy, but it keeps my silicone lint-free!

The Number One Laboratory B.J. is a fairly realistic looking penis (although it is available in unrealistic colors for those who prefer it that way) with a hollow funnel running through the middle of the toy, beginning at the urethral opening of the B.J. and running down the length of the shaft to the base of the toy. How it works is you place the base of the toy flat against whatever area you are feeling needs a great blow job. For me, that is up against my clit, then have your partner (or if you are flexible, yourself) start sucking! Easy enough! The B.J. really does an awesome job of transferring suction from the toy’s head down to the receiver’s clit (or wherever you are focusing on) with very minimal effort. We also gave it a try with nipples (pretty awesome) and the head of my Stunt Cock’s penis, which he found to be pretty painful. I also gave myself a sweet arm hickey using the B.J.s super suction… so if nothing else, you can now fake having just recently had a hot and heavy make-out session without ever having to actually meet up with anyone on Tinder.

Aesthetically, the B.J. is amazing, I love the visual of my long cock in my partners mouth, but all the licking, kissing and caressing do very little to actually transfer any meaningful stimulation where I need it. Most of the attention needs to be paid to just the hole, where the suction is made, which makes this really more of a ‘suck job’ and less of a traditional blow job.

In use, it was really easy to position the base of the B.J. and find the ‘sweet spot.’ The suction felt amazing, it was much stronger than just having someone put their mouth directly to my clit and suck. I’m so used to bringing myself to orgasm via vibration, that suction feels totally foreign and exciting to me. Although it takes awhile for me to orgasm from the blow job alone, I find that the B.J. is a great foreplay tool. It is visually a major turn on.

After my first use of the B.J. I was a little worried that cleaning might become an issue, I worried that gunk and spit would collect around the hole and be hard to wash out. Thankfully, not an issue, the hole that runs the length of the toy is plenty large enough for water to run through easily. Also, the B.J. is made from 100% platinum silicone, so it is dishwasher friendly (top rack, no detergent) and safe to boil. Sanitizing made easy!

The B.J. is also pretty comfortable just to wear around (I’m actually wearing it as I type this!). The base of the B.J. is bigger, and the silicone may be a bit stiffer than your average packer, so it may not be ideal for any extended wear, but I kind of like feeling like I have an erection pinned against my inner thigh, waiting to be released and be given the best blow job of my life. The B.J. also seems to fit well into harnesses, it slides easily into my Tantus Nurse Connoisseur Harness. My particular harness does seem to sit the base of the B.J. up a little too high for optimal suction to occur, some adjustments likely needed if I were to wear the harness while receiving a blow job.

Would the B.J. also work as a STP? I don’t know, I have not tried. I feel like it is possible if you adjust the angle a bit, although I’m not sure that the opening at the base is optimal for this purpose. Personally prefer not to pee into something I’m also using as a toy. If you are specifically looking for a STP, Number One Laboratory does carry some really nice looking items!

The B.J. also works as an insertable toy. It is very flexible (it is hollow after all) and comfortable to insert. The pronounced veins around the shaft add a pretty nice texture as well. If you do use the B.J. for penetration, be sure to clean around the urethral hole and inside the shaft quite well (you could even wear a condom over it for extra protection.).

My last thought, which Stunt Cock scolded me for and said it wasn’t worth writing out, but I totally am going to write it out, because I think it is really important, need to know information… if you hold the B.J. up to your nose, you have a make-shift elephant trunk. Use that information however you’d like…

My recommendation? While the B.J. is probably not a toy that everyone will enjoy, I do highly recommend it. The quality is superb, the silicone is soft with no obvious seams, and the design is quite clever. You probably need to like suction to enjoy the B.J., but since it is human operated, you have a lot of control over how strong and intense the suction is, making it a toy you can really customize to your personal preferences. You will also need to have a partner of some sort handy in order to use the B.J. to its full potential. In my opinion though, the B.J. is worth a try!

The Number One Laboratory B.J. comes in a wide range of colors for you to chose from. There are three realistic skin tone colors, light (which is what is featured in this review), medium and dark. And there are two non-realistic colors, green and black.

You can purchase a B.J. from Number One Laboratory or Good Vibrations for $78.00.

The Number One Laboratory B.J. was provided to me free of charge by Number One Laboratory in exchange for my honest review. 

Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl Vibrator – Sex Toy Review

This review is really a three for the price of one sort of deal, what a great value! When I told Lovehoney I was interested in reviewing the Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl Rabbit Vibrator they said, okay… but we can do you one better! And lo and behold they sent me this awesome Luxury G-Spot Bundle! Included are a totally awesome storage/travel case, a heart shaped tin of Lovehoney Bliss Orgasm Balm, and of course, the Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl.

Spoiled? Yes I am.

First, I want to talk about the storage case. It is amazing. For serious, I want like thirty more of these things to organize my toy collection and stack in my closet. The case isn’t quite what I’d call hard topped, but it isn’t super soft either… its like… squishy hard? Like it’s made from a strong foam maybe? It will keep it’s shape, unless you step on it (like I did) and squish it, mine is now a little bent out of shape, but still zips up and works perfectly.

The outside of the black travel case is branded with the Lovehoney heart, pretty discreet unless you are already familiar with their logo. The inside is lined in purple and contains a mesh zip pouch and a mesh pouch with elastic bands to hold your Greedy Girl (or any other toy you may decide to store inside). The Greedy Girl itself also comes with a Fifty Shades of Grey branded red drawstring storage bag of its own.

It also comes with a little heart shaped padlock, which is cute and may be handy for traveling or keeping prying eyes out of your box, but I’m terrible at remembering combinations (I stopped using my school locker all together in high school and carried all my shit around with me because I was sick of asking the school janitor to open my locker for me) so not something I really see myself using.

Second, the Bliss Pleasure Balm. It smells nice, like peppermint… or grandma. Did it make my clit feel more responsive or enhance my orgasm? I don’t know… it mostly felt like I spread toothpaste all over my clit, I smelled nice and tingled a bit, it was pleasant in a ‘I spread menthol all over my genitals’ sort of way. I did like feeling minty fresh in my pants. Beyond that, I don’t have a lot to say about the Pleasure Balm.

Now, on to the star of the show… the real meat and potatoes part of this review… the Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl Rabbit Vibrator!

First, you should know that rabbit vibrators frustrate me very easily. Almost never do I find a toy where the ‘ears’ hit my clit in a pleasurable way. For me, using a rabbit is usually having to make a decision on whether I want to sacrifice using the full length of the insertable part in order to get the rabbit ears to line up right, or would I rather feel the fullness I like while letting the ears slap around uselessly. Knowing this, you are probably wondering why I wanted to even review a rabbit vibe in the first place… well the answer is… I am bound and determined to find a damn rabbit that works for me (and hopefully you, but lets face it, I’m pretty selfish)! The idea of a rabbit vibrator is very appealing to me, a dildo and an external vibe all in one package? Yes please! I’m frequently pretty lazy so the less toys I need to use at one time, the better!

So, when I agreed to review the Greedy Girl, I did so with a bit of trepidation. I figured I was for sure setting myself up for disappointment and was dreading having to write a less than stellar review.

Right away, aesthetically, I loved the Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl Rabbit Vibrator straight out of the box. It looks solidly built, kind of chunky with a hefty base that lets the Greedy Girl stand up beautifully on its own, which you may not care about, but I love being able to stand toys up on my desk and admire them while I write. The body of the toy is covered in a velvety soft, pure black silicone which makes this vibrator look classy as fuck. The shaft of the toy has a dramatic curve that is perfectly suited for hitting the G-Spot. The shiny silver band and buttons are also a pretty nice touch. Overall, a beautifully crafted vibrator. I’m not all that surprised though, the previous items I reviewed in the Fifty Shades of Grey Official Pleasure Collection (the Perfect O Love Ring and the Holy Cow! Vibrating Wand) were also very well made, so quality is something I’ve come to expect from this line of toys.

The Greedy Girl did not arrived charged up (I hate that, I’m not a patient person!), so I had some waiting to do before I was able to test it out. The Greedy Girl is rechargeable, using the included USB cable. A wall plug is not included, but if you’ve got a computer handy, you have a sex toy charging station! The cable plugs into a port on the back, which is covered by a silicone flap. Once the light turns from red to green, your vibrator is fully charged up and ready to go. I’m guessing I got about 90 (give or take) minutes of play time in before needing to plug my toy back in for another recharge, so not bad!

The Greedy Girl looks big, measuring in at a whopping 9.5 inches, but don’t panic, only about 5ish inches of it are actually insertable, so I find it to be a a completely manageable toy size wise. The shaft of the toy is pretty flexible, it actually feels like it may possibly be hollow in places, but the head of the vibrator is pretty hard, not a lot of give to it.

When I finally got around to using the Greedy Girl I turned it on and flipped through the settings, I was struck by just how many settings there actually were. I counted 12 patterns in total, at first I thought that was overkill, because I never use patterns. I usually set my vibrator to the highest, steady speed possible and leave it at that. But, once the toy was inserted I quickly changed my mind… things got even more exciting when I looked down and said “hey, what does this second button do?” HOLY FUCK WHAT?!? This toy has not one but TWO FREAKIN’ MOTORS! I am able to control the rabbit ears independently of the main insertable vibrator bit! Both of these motors are powerful, I’m telling you, I was not expecting this. I laid in bed moaning as I tried out each setting. I think this is the one of the very few vibrators where I actually prefer the vibrational patterns to the straight up constant speed. The pulsating patterns are so thuddy and rumbly that I honestly feel a little bit sore after using the Greedy Girl as much as I have in the last couple of days.

The thick rabbit ears manage to hit my clit just right without a whole lot of fiddling about looking for the right position. The rabbit itself has three speed settings, and I find myself using the medium speed for the most part, the top end speed gets a little too buzzy for my tastes, but I really don’t find myself wishing for much more power when I have both the motors going.

While in use, I found I was unable to do any real thrusting or moving of this toy, it seems like once I have the head against my G-spot and all the vibrations going, my vagina clamps down on this sucker and does not let go. Which is fine, I’m a lazy masturbator usually, the less I have to be involved, the better.

I went to bed after giving the Greedy Girl it’s first quick test and the next morning it was still on my mind, using it again was all I could think about as I was waking up. I still am a bit floored by how fast this toy can bring me to an orgasm! Holy cow, so unexpected.

Operating the Greedy Girl is pretty simple (although the button placement is a tad on the awkward side when the toy is in use, I had to fumble a bit to change my settings mid-use), there is a small circular button that operates the rabbit ears and like I mentioned there are three speed settings. The larger button controls the main body, there are three steady vibration speeds and nine vibration patterns (giving me waaaaaay to many things to choose from!). To turn off or on, just hold down the buttons.

Sometimes a toy comes out of nowhere an exceeds your expectations. The Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl Rabbit Vibrator caught me completely off-guard, I really did not expect it to be as powerful as it is. So my recommendation is a resounding YES, BUY IT! If you are looking for a rabbit, give this one a try. I am super picky and hate most rabbits, but I really love this one, so maybe you will too! If you are not a power queen, you should be warned that the vibration patterns all pulse at the highest intensity, so if you prefer something more gentle, you wont find it with any of the patterns. The head is also pretty hard, and I think it may have caused me a little bruising (I also probably played pretty rough with the Greedy Girl in the name of research), so that is something to be aware of. But over all, this is a solid rabbit vibrator and has earned itself a regular spot in my sex toy rotation.

Ready to buy? You can pick up the Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl Luxury G-Spot Bundle from Lovehoney for $100.00! Rather shop a la carte? The Bliss Pleasure Balm can be had for $14.99, the FsoG Greedy Girl for $89.99, and the Lockable Sex Toy Case (large) for $34.99. Even if all you want is the vibrator and the storage case, you are still saving a fair amount of money by buying the bundle.

The Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl Rabbit Vibrator was provided to me free of charge by Lovehoney in exchange for my honest review. 

Black Friday 2016 Sex Toy Sales & Deals

It is November already…

I’ve traded in my spooky skeletons and bloody zombies for turkeys and Christmas sweaters. Yes… I’m that obnoxious person who will be celebrating Christmas for the next 2 months straight… DEAL WITH IT.

You know what else happens in November? BLACK FRIDAY! One of the biggest shopping days of the year! But it’s not all half priced bath towels and cheap T.V.s, no my friend… it is also the season for AMAZING SEX TOY DEALS!

Just take a peek at some of the awesome deals offered last year. I can pretty much guarantee you will see as good or better this year!

Because I love all of you (and sex toys… mostly sex toys… but you’re pretty okay too…) I will be working tirelessly between now and November 25 to make sure I find all the latest and greatest deals! So bookmark this page and keep checking back to stay on top of your Black Friday sex toy shopping EXTRAVAGANZA!

 

Here are just some of the amazing manufacturers/retailers I will be keeping my eye on… with more to be added to the list!

NOTE: I will update this page as I am notified of sales. Check back frequently! Most FLASH SALES will not be reveled until BLACK FRIDAY, so keep watching this page for some great deals that will go fast! 

Black Friday sales will last Thursday, November 24 through Monday, November 28

  • Take 40% off everything sitewide! Use code BLACKFRIDAY at checkout!
    • Excludes lubes, Joque Harness, Doxy and Magic Wands.

Take me to TANTUS!

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Sale runs from November 23 through November 28 (midnight EST)

  • Coupon codes good for US, UK, CA & AU
  • 10% off $85 OR MORE – KRINGLE10
  • 15% off $100 OR MORE – KRINGLE15
  • 20% off $125 OR MORE – KRINGLE20
  • PLUS FREE SHIPPING (U.S. ONLY)

Take me to SHEVIBE!

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Black Friday sales begin Friday, November 25 and last through Monday, November 28

Stockroom Fetish and Bondage Sex Toy Black Friday Sale

  • Stockrooms Black and Blue sale will feature savings on toys, BDSM, bondage, electro gear, and more from 30%-70% off!
  • You can also use the coupon code CYBERTHANKS at checkout and receive an additional 15% off your purchase!
  • Celebrate Spanksgiving with up to 40% off select impact toys! Lasts through November 30!
  • Free shipping on all orders $99 or more!

 

Take me to THE STOCKROOM!

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http://fleshlight.sjv.io/c/334857/302851/4702

  • 20% off Fleshlight products
  • 15% off sitewide
  • Free gifts when you spend $150 and $200
  • 40% off select combo packs

Take me to FLESHLIGHT!

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Black Friday sales at Good Vibes will last from Friday, November 11 to Tuesday, November 29!

  • Fri 11/11
    • 15% off a single item ($85 minimum)
  • Tues 11/15
    • 15% off anal toys ($85 minimum) +free 2oz Please Cream Lube
  • Fri 11/18
    • $10 off a single item ($85 minimum)
  • Tues 11/22
    • Free Please 2oz Liquid Lube = free Tantric Nirvana Vibe with $85 order
  • Wed 11/23
    • On this date there will be a HUGE early-bird sale for all GoodVibes email subscribers! It can take a couple of days to be added to the mailing list, so be sure to subscribe ASAP so you do not miss this awesome deal! Sale will not be revealed here, you will be emailed directly from Good Vibes (but trust me, it’s a good one!).
  • Thurs 11/24
    • Sitewide Sale: 20% OFF, no minimums, limited exclusions (Only Fun Factory Stronic Zwei, Drei, Eins included for Fun Factory Items)
  • Tues 11/29
    • Cyber Week (Tue-Thurs) 3-tier Sale: 10% off $85, 15% off $100, 20% off $150

Take me to GOOD VIBRATIONS!

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Black Friday sales at Smitten Kitten will be in store on Thursday, November 24 and online during Cyber Monday on Monday, November 28!

  • Enjoy 20% off toys and free shipping in the US during Cyber Monday!

Take me to SMITTEN KITTEN!

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Black Friday sales at Peepshow toys will last from Thursday, November 24 – Monday, November 28!

  • 15% off $75 or more! Use code FIVEDAY 15
  • 20% off $100 or more! Use code FIVEDAY 20
  • 25% off $150 or more! Use code FIVEDAY 25

Take me to PEEPSHOW TOYS!

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Black Friday sales at Split Peaches will happen on Thursday, November 24 through Monday, November 28!  

  • 25% off everything! Including the super fab Unicorn Horn! (Check out my Unicorn Review!) Use code BLACKFRIDAY2016 at checkout!
  • Free shipping on orders over $90.00

Take me to SPLIT PEACHES!

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Lovehoney Black Friday Deals - Changes daily

  • Big Box of Sex Toys! Count down to the holidays with 24 sexy surprises! $300 worth of quality sex toys for only $150!
  • LoveHoney Real Deals change throughout the day! Be sure to refresh the page to see the all the new sales!
  • The sales may include toys made from unsafe materials! Only purchase toys that are made from silicone, ABS plastic, glass, stainless steel, ceramic, wood, or stone.

Take me to LOVEHONEY!

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Black Friday sales at Kiiroo will happen from Friday, November 25 through Monday, November 28!

  • Up to 50% off their three flagship products!
    • Kiiroo Onyx, and Pear set, normally $369 reduced to $199
    • Kiiroo Onyx, normally $249, reduced to $124
    • Kiiroo Pearl, normally $149, reduced to $99
  • Coupon BLACKFRIDAYLUBE gives you a free Elements Pack of Fleshlight Lubes with purchase of select items.

Take me to KIIROO!

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For the Australian Shoppers! Black Friday sales will last Thursday November 24 through Tuesday, November 29 (AEST Timezone)

(International deliveries are available. Must pay through PayPal)

  • $10 OFF when you spend $60 – (Code: save10)
  • $20 OFF when you spend $100 – (Code: save20)
  • $30 OFF when you spend $150 – (Code: save30)
  • $50 OFF when you spend $250 – (Code: save50)
  • $70 OFF when you spend $300 – (Code: save70)
  • $100 OFF when you spend $400 – (Code: save100)

Take me to JouJou!

 

 

Fun Factory Joupie – Sex Toy Review

I have champagne tastes on a beer budget. I simply can not afford every $200.00 vibrator that sashays onto the market with its gold plated bodies and diamond encrusted charging cables, no matter how much I want to… most of the time I can barely afford my Cherry Coke habit. Thankfully, there is Fun Factory. In a bid to appeal to the more frugal amongst us, Fun Factory created a small line of simple battery operated vibrators that still offer up a delightful sense of luxury while still being easy on the wallet. This budget conscious, line up includes the Joupie, Jazzie and Jam (the three lesser known Duggar children? Was that an inappropriate joke? It was wasn’t it…).

My Fun Factory Joupie was purchased from The Smitten Kitten, an awesome Minneapolis based sex toy wonderland. I had $30 burning a hole in my pocket and an overwhelming desire to purchase a new sex toy (as if I need more…). Cruising around the store I knew I didn’t want another bullet vibe (Tango is the one true bullet and no others shall take its place!), any bullets for that price are pretty much crap anyway, so looking around I was feeling pretty limited. Cock rings are cheap, but I lack a cock… I could afford new lube, but that just isn’t as fun… and then I saw it, the Fun Factory Joupie. I’m pretty sure I did a cartoonish double take, I didn’t believe the price at first… a Fun Factory vibe for less than 30 bucks? No way!

The Joupie operates on two AA batteries, which are not included. I had to borrow a couple of batteries out of my Xbox remote, because I’ve been spoiled by owning so many rechargeable toys I just don’t keep enough spare batteries on hand! To insert you just need to twist off the cap at bottom, being careful not to remove the rolled up bit of cardboard (the Joupie won’t work without that!), drop in your batteries, then screw the cap back on! So easy a caveman can do it! Being battery operated also makes the Joupie an attractive travel buddy, easy to pop the batteries out to avoid any accidental turn-ons in your bag and you don’t have to worry about finding an outlet or pulling out your computer to charge it up, pop those batteries in and you are golden!

The Fun Factory Joupie is covered in a matte silicone, which does cause a fair amount of drag when being inserted. For me, just a squirt or two of a good lube makes all the difference (just be sure to avoid silicone based lubes with the Joupie.). Also, like my previous Fun Factory toy (the Stronic Eins), the Joupie is a lint magnet… I swear, every stray hair, lint ball, and other cruddy whatsits find their way onto my Joupie only a few seconds after I wash it! For this reason, I try to always store my Joupie in a storage bag (which I pilfered from another toy).

In use I was pleasantly surprised to find that the Fun Factory Joupie had a adequately rumbly vibration rather than the high pitched buzzing I was expecting from a battery operated toy. Sure, there is nothing fancy about the Joupie in action, it has only one speed… but that one speed is fairly satisfying. It isn’t enough power for me to stimulate my clit to orgasm on its own (at least not without taking FOREVER), but it does wonders against my g-spot (which is what the Joupie is advertised as, a g-spot vibe). I would say that the vibrations are pretty moderate, don’t expect anything earth shattering, but it definitely isn’t what I would call weak.

My favorite way to use the Joupie is in tandem with another Vibe, usually my Tango or Hitachi. I insert the Joupie and let the soft silicone tip go to town against my g-spot while the second vibe takes care of the rest… it is heaven, pure heaven. If I had to pick my second favorite way to use the Joupie it would be letting the very tip  flutter around my nipples, mmmmmm.

Even though you wouldn’t think so, the Fun Factory Joupie is waterproof. This makes clean up pretty easy, just give it a quick wash with water or if you feel the need to sterilize it, give it a wipe down with a 10% bleach solution. Even though it is waterproof, I’d probably avoid washing it in the dishwasher or boiling it… it is an electrical item after all. The Joupie is 100% submersible, so you can take it in the tub with you (just make sure you screwed the cap on tight…)!

So, my recommendation? The Fun Factory Joupie is not going to be for everyone. This is a very simplistic vibrator, I would even go so far as to call it a beginner’s toy. The size and shape of the Joupie are likely to be perfect for someone who is pretty new to penetration and is looking for something pretty tame to test the waters with. But, for something that is on the budget friendly end of the spectrum, I think you are getting a pretty great deal. Fun Factory makes awesome toys and Joupie is pretty awesome for a single speed, battery operated slim vibe! It will probably never bring me to orgasm on it’s own but it has been a great toy when paired with other toys… it is more of a sidekick than a superhero, and that’s okay! As an affordable intro toy into the world of vibrators, yes, I would recommend the Fun Factory Joupie.

The Joupie is available in two colors, red (which is the color featured in this review), or turquoise. Either color can be had for a wallet friendly $29.99! Ready to purchase a Fun Factory Joupie? Check out these awesome retailers: SheVibe and GoodVibes!

All Photos by Boudoir by Kirby

Tantus Rumble – Sex Toy Review

I have been meaning to write this review for awhile now, but I have had such mixed feelings about the Tantus Rumble that it has taken me some time to really ruminate on it and describe how I feel. Which meant masturbating with the Rumble A LOT. Never have I masturbated this much with one toy in the name of science. My clit may fall off from over use. But, for you guys it’s worth it…

Up to this point, I would say that Tantus has been the King (Queen?) of premium, body-safe silicone butt plugs and dildos, but with the introduction of the Rumble they have now entered the big bad world of vibrators (Okay, sure, they do offer toys with little bullet vibes… but I think of the Rumble as the REAL DEAL.)!

The Rumble has kind of a fun origin story (like a super hero!), it was born out of a very successful crowd funding campaign – which I think is absolutely amazing! The idea, as far as I understand it, was for Tantus to manufacture a vibrator that could easily be used by anyone, regardless of their gender, disability or age. It is not a toy for just “him” or just “her” or just “couples” the Tantus Rumble is a toy for EVERYONE! A toy with no labels! A toy that pleases everyone! The outpouring of support that the crowdfunding campaign received proves that there is indeed a market for a toy just like that!

Now, for some reason, I went into the Tantus Rumble with the expectation that it would be the next Hitachi or Doxy and I was super stoked! But it’s not. It doesn’t really boast the power of either wands, but Tantus never really advertise it that way either, so I had no reason to expect that of the Rumble. So my initial disappointment was all on me really, I made up features in my head that are not actually part of the Rumble’s make up. Whoops.

What the Tantus Rumble DOES feature though is an angled, flexible neck, a largish disk shaped head with a removable silicone cover and is extremely lightweight overall. I’m not normally a fan of the type of broad stimulation I get with the Rumble’s large head, but I think there is just enough power to the Rumble and the silicone is so plush that it actually works for me in this instance. Although, the lack of direct/pinpoint stimulation means it takes me considerably longer to reach an orgasm… but that isn’t always a bad thing. It just means I get to spend more time exploring what feels great! The angled neck is a pretty awesome thing, it sits at what I suppose I would call an ‘ergonomic angle’ making it really easy to hold and use the Rumble in nearly any position (I especially appreciate how comfy it is to use while sitting upright in a chair! No weird wrist cramps!).

Like I said earlier, the Tantus Rumble does rumble, it possesses the deep, rumbling sort of vibrations that I really love, however, they are pretty mild. That isn’t to say the Rumble is weak, there is still plenty of power behind the Rumble… let’s just say that if the Hitachi is a beast, the Rumble is it’s more domesticated version… a house cat as opposed to a wild Tiger. Either way, I love cats.

Operating the Rumble is super simple (thank goodness, I don’t have time for wordy instruction manuals), the power button sits near the top and the speed controls (+/-) down near the base of the handle. I’m guessing these controls were very seriously thought out, not once have I accidentally turned the Rumble off or borked my speed setting in the heat of the moment, everything stays right where I set it. The buttons also require very little force to actually push them, which may not sound like a big deal, but I own several vibrators where pushing the buttons takes some real effort and certainly can not be done on the fly while playing, with those toys I have to stop what I’m doing, pull the toy up near my face, find the button I want to push then SMASH it. This ease of button pushing just adds another feature to the Rumble’s accessibility for all users.

The Tantus Rumble features four patterns and three speed levels. The vibration patterns are actually not too bad, I have found myself using nearly all of them (and I usually hate vibration patterns!), I would say the patterns must have been actually thought out and made to be pleasing, rather than just thrown in as an after thought (the way I feel with a lot of vibrators).

Clean up is amazingly easy with the Rumble! Because the silicone head is removable, all you need to do is pop it off and give it a good wash! When the handle gets a little wet or lubey I just wipe it down with a wet-wipe or towel. Because the head of the Tantus Rumble is made from silicone, I would avoid using it with any silicone based lubes. Although I’ve honestly never had a problem with any of my Tantus toys reacting with silicone lubes… it is still better to be safe than sorry. I don’t want you to accidentally ruin your new toy!

Charging up the Rumble is a pretty painless affair. Like most recharable toys these days, the Rumble includes a USB charging cable that easily plugs into your computer or if you are like me, you charge all your sex toys using your iPhone wall cube! One full charge of the Tantus Rumble gives you about 4ish hours worth of playtime before needing to be plugged back in.

And now, what you probably came here for… do I recommend the Tantus Rumble? Overall, I think the design of the this vibrator is amazing. It is easier to hold than your average wand, features an easy to use, ergonomic design that really does make the toy feel like it could be workable/useable by nearly anyone. The Rumble will definitely be loved by someone who really enjoys broad stimulation (or, purchase one of the silicone head attachments and change things up! I see one head in particular that would do wonders for me and my love of pinpoint stimulation!). However, the Tantus Rumble really lacks that extra bit of power that I’m really looking for in a vibrator. While the vibrations are Rumbly and deep, it features mid-level power at best. Do not purchase the Rumble thinking you are going to get the same power as the Hitachi or Doxy wands. Don’t get me wrong, the Tantus Rumble is still able to bring me to orgasm, it just left the power queen in me wanting just a little something more. If you don’t mind mid-level, rumbly, vibrations, the Tantus Rumble is worth owning purely for the excellent design. Comfortable, easy to use, and is more than capable at getting the job done… yes, I whole-heartedly recommend the Tantus Rumble!

If you are ready to purchase a Rumble of your very own you can do so directly from Tantus for $129.99 (and while you are at it… buy ALL THE DILDOS)!

The Tantus Rumble was provided to me free of charge by Tantus in exchange for my honest review.

All Photos by Boudoir by Kirby

B Swish Bcurious – Sex Toy Review

So, kind of a funny story (okay, maybe it’s not really all that funny, but I’m going to share it anyway, so just go with it.)…For the first, oh maybe 8 or 9 days (or more) of owning this toy I honestly thought it was called the B Swish “Bicurious” because I guess I don’t really have time or energy to properly read packaging information. For more than a week I called it the Bicurious in conversation with other sex toy people, I tweeted about it, I facebooked it, and it was even misspelled right here on my website in the “coming soon” box… all this and not one of you corrected me. NOT ONE OF YOU! You are all just about the worst internet friends ever… I had the proverbial spinach in my teeth and no one bothered to point it out.  Do you know how mortified I was when I finally sat down to do this review and for the first time I clearly read the box… B Swish Bcurious. BCURIOUS not BICURIOUS… world shattering. Sure, I’m probably not the first person to notice this, but still… I feel personally slighted.

Am I being over dramatic?

Probably. Most definitely.

I’m actually probably more disappointed that it isn’t actually called the Bicurious, that is a name I can get behind! Bcurious is good too. Whatever. Moving on….

Beyond being just one letter away from being the Bicurious, the Bcurious is a pretty cute little toy. Maybe not as freakishly cute as my Kushi, but the B Swish Bcurious reminds me a little bit of a whale or if I stand it upright it kind of looks like a stylized penguin. At first glance, I really loved the Bcurious.

Once I got the Bcurious out of the box I was AMAZED by how lightweight this toy really is. It is so light that I actually became a little disappointed with it, I figured anything that is this light is bound to be cheap garbage. And that turned me off of it for a few days.

Boy… how wrong I was.

When I finally picked it up again I was again impressed by how beautifully designed it really is. The B Swish Bcurious is a palm-sized, lightweight, curved clitoral/external vibrator that is not only discreet, but is quite aesthetically pleasing and perfectly functional in nearly every way (The Mary Poppins of vibrators?). My initial disappointment/fears about it being crap were completely unfounded, the Bcurious is a nice little vibe!

The Bcurious has a firm, matte plastic body with a silicone band that runs the entire length of the toy. The silicone could possibly be there to cover up the seam of the toy, but I find that it provides a my slippery, lubed-up fingers with a little extra grip… there is nothing worse then shooting a slippery sex toy across the room like a rocket…. you may laugh, but this has happened to me more times then I really want to admit. The silicone band does have one draw back though, because the band is not set flush against the plastic body crud tends to accumulate along the side of it. Its gross, no one needs that. I found the best way to deal with this is to use a tooth brush to brush along the silicone band to remove any gunk that has built during use and wipe it down with a baby wipe or damp towel. On the side of the toy there is also a little port for inserting the charging cable. It is covered by a little silicone flap/plug that will keep water out of your toy when cleaning. However I can’t tell you with 100% certainty that this toy is waterproof though, because I am unable to find any mention of that in the included B Swish Bcurious instruction manual (maybe I’m blind and just not seeing it?).

EDIT: I just looked at the packaging a little closer and the box the Bcurious comes in states that the toy is in fact water-resistant. So it can get wet, but probably don’t spend a whole lot of time submerging it.  

Speaking of the charging port, the Bcurious is pretty simple to plug in and charge up. The toy comes with an included USB charging cable, just insert the skinny end into the toy and the USB into any computer or USB compatible wall charger (my iPhone charging box pulls double duty as a sex toy charging station). If you’ve read any of my previous reviews you know I sometimes get irked by USB charging cables, unless you’ve got something like the iPhone wall charging bit, you will have to have a sex toy dangling out of your computer for a couple of hours… which can sometimes get weird. Not always the most discreet way to charge, but the USB cables are very convenient. The Bcurious arrived fully charged and I still haven’t run it out of juice yet, so I’m not sure just how much life its got in it. But, I think I’ve given it at least an hour of play time (if not more) thus far! The packaging claims it to be a 2 hour charge time and a 2 hour use time, so I think that is probably pretty correct from what I’m experiencing at this point.

The top of the vibrator features a shallow groove that cradles my pointer finger perfectly, and on either side is more very subtle grooving that gives my thumb and middle finger someplace to sit comfortably while griping the toy and the rounded bottom of the the vibrator sits every so comfortably in the palm of my hand. Then there is the curved neck of the toy that ends in pinpoint tip which helps to direct the vibrations exactly where you want them. I love a toy that allows me this much control over where the vibrations go.

The word that comes to mind when I’m thinking about how to describe the Bcurious is ergonomic. This toy is very ergonomically designed, almost flawlessly so. I like how the Bcurious fits in my hand, it really feels like it belong there, it is not awkward to hold or use in anyway! It is my excalibur! Its size and shape make it super easy and comfortable to use with a partner, I find that some toys mash into my pubic bone painfully when being used durning partner on top sex, but the Bcurious slipped between us like a ninja and got its job done without being obnoxious or uncomfortable.

When turned on, there is a blue light that outlines the buttons. It features a very easy to use two button system, press down to turn the Bcurious on and off and press up to adjust the speed and vibration patterns. The buttons are also very well placed, with some vibrators (especially the smaller ones) I find that I will hit buttons accidentally while playing with it. Which gets frustrating, because I’ll find a speed/pattern that is really doing it for me then… WHOOPS…I’ve hit a button and I lose it.

The B Swish Bcurious has three constant vibration settings that from low to medium to high and then is followed by four patterns. I’m not super into the patterns, but I rarely enjoy the included vibration patterns with any toy. Also, the Bcurious is BUZZY. Buzzy with a capital BIf you are a fan of deep, penetrating, rumbling vibrations, you may be left wanting something more. Personally, I don’t always mind buzzy, it has its place, I enjoy it, and the Bcurious was plenty strong enough to bring me to orgasm, even if the vibrations were surface level and buzzy.

Obviously, the Bcurious is intended to be used externally, but don’t feel like that means it is limited to being used only against your/your partner’s clit! I have enjoyed the Bcurious against my nipples, my taint, even around the rim of my butthole… external vibrators like the Bcurious are great for sensation play! Grab a partner, blindfold them, and go to town rubbing tickling little vibrations up and down their body!

My recommendation? The B Swish Bcurious is an almost flawless little external vibrator. Design wise, the Bcurious is almost perfect. The only thing I would like to see would be a softer silicone tip – but that’s just a personal thing, I don’t always like to mash hard plastic against my clit and because the vibrations are buzzy, I do feel like I have to put more than average pressure against my clit in order to orgasm. This toy would be literally perfect if I could some how mash in the vibrations of my Tango with the body of the Bcurious! But, if buzzy vibrations don’t bother you, the Bcurious is going to be a wonderful addition (or start of!) to your collection. The Bcurious also arrives with its own little storage bag, making it easy to pack up and travel with or to store a little more discreetly. I also appreciate the affordability of the B Swish Bcurious, it is part of B Swish’s Premium line so its price tag is a bit higher than some of their other toys, but at $80.75, it won’t break the bank either. This is my first ever experience with a toy from B Swish and I am not disappointed! If the Bcurious is a taste of the quality B Swish has to offer, I am excited to add more of their toys to my collection!

The Bcurious is available in two colors black/magenta and primrose/gray (the later being the color featured in this review.) and can be purchased directly from B Swish’s online store!

The B Swish Bcurious was provided to me free of charge by B Swish in exchange for my honest review. 

All Photos by Boudoir by Kirby

Clone-A-Willy Vibrating Dildo Kit – Sex Toy Review

I’m feeling a little bit guilty here guys, I should have had this review out to you all AGES ago. Seriously, ages ago. When the Clone-A-Willy kit first arrived, I was ready to jump right in, all guns-a-blazing and gung ho. Until I pulled out the instructions and instantly became overwhelmed by how long it would actually take. I then curled up in a corner and quietly rocked myself back and forth, while chanting “I can do this. I can do this. I can do this…” to myself.

Also, I should note, that the Clone-A-Willy arrived right in the middle of my big move across the state… and while we waited for my own place to be ready, I was staying with family. “Hey ya’ll, I’m just going to borrow the kitchen for a few hours to clone a dick, is that cool?” Yeah… needless to say, actually finding privacy for the required amount of time to clone my stunt cock’s willy took some doing.

BUT… in the end, I did prevail! All hail Kitten, Queen of the Dildo Clones!

And now, after compiling all my thoughts and feels into a very large word document, I am finally ready to release my review out into the world with an apology for it taking approximately an entire summer to do (Bad Kitten, bad girl, naughty!).

So, When Lovehoney offered me a Clone-A-Willy Kit, I was ecstatic. Seriously, I was super excited by the idea of making my very own clone of my favorite penis. I kind of envisioned the whole process to be like those wax hand molds my friends and I used to do at the State Fair. We would all clasp hands and dip it down into a vat of hot wax, then be treated to an everlasting symbol of our friendship (that is at least until SOMEONE dropped it in the parking lot on the way out… you know who you are.) So yeah, I was pretty jazzed about testing out the Clone-A-Willy Vibrating Dildo Kit.

Surprisingly, my Stunt Cock didn’t take too much convincing either. I think he was sold on the idea when I told him he could now fulfill all his DP fantasies without the hastle of finding another penis. His dick could be in two places at once? Heck yeah!

Anyway, what arrived in the mail was a clear plastic tube (which later becomes the molding tube which you will insert your penis into) which was filled to the brim with (almost) all the necessary dildo molding materials. The packaging is brightly colored and the instructions makes the process look like there is lots of sexy fun to be had during the whole penis cloning ordeal. I was genuinely excited to pop that bad boy open and get to penis molding!

I should go ahead and admit right now, I’m not much of a DIY’er. Sure, I pin my fair share of projects on Pinterest, the same as everyone else, but I know each ‘make it yourself bathscrub’, and ‘build this coffee table for under $100‘ pin I pin is a straight up lie. I will never do those things. I enjoy the idea of being crafty, but as soon as the bottle of wood glue and tube of glitter is in front of me, I realize I’d rather be watching Doctor Who reruns on Netflix and binge eating an entire pan of brownies (store bought of course).

So, I am coming at this DIY vibrating penis kit with very little actual DIY experience. But, in the end I did make a fairly successful copy of a human penis, so I have faith that you can too!

On the front of the packaging the Clone-A-Willy Kit claims that this whole process can be accomplished in 4 easy steps… boy do I find this a little misleading. This was by far the most stressful event of my life. For example, you have just two minutes to mix up the molding gel and get your penis inserted. TWO FREAKING MINUTES! Two minutes to mix, to help your partner maintain an erection, and to get the penis into the mold… all while the clock is counting down… tick tock tick tock. I know how the contests on those food network shows feel now… “JUST GET YOUR FOOD ON THE PLATE, GET SOMETHING ON THE PLATE!” (I’ve been watching a lot of Cutthroat Kitchen lately.)

Also, when you actually open up your package and pull out the instructions you’ll see that it actually is a 13 step process, full of more stress then a college final exam. Also, not everything you need for successful molding is included in the package. You are also going to need scissors, cardboard, a disposable mixing container or two, tape, and a measuring cup. Be sure you have all of these items rounded up before you begin doing anything! The Clone-A-Willy process moves QUICKLY! You don’t have time to search around for anything.

We took the instructions advice and used a cock ring (our handy-dandy Tantus Super Soft C-Ring to be exact!). I am incredibly glad that we did, the cock ring really helped to add some detail and texture to our end product that I think might have been otherwise lost had we just left the penis au naturel. I can see defined veins and skin texture on my cloned willy. We definitely lost some inches in translation… without the cock ring, I think it would have been even worse. I can’t be too hard on my Stunt Cock though, it is hard to stay fully erect with your penis balls deep in luke-warm goo, especially when your partner is laughing hysterically, instead of trying to keep everything sexy.

The Clone-A-Willy Kit produces a 100% body-safe silicone dildo. So, treat it the same way you would any silicone toy and avoid silicone based lubes. If you have included the vibrator, you won’t be able to boil it or throw it in the dishwasher to clean, so give it a scrub with soap and water.
My results were pretty awesome, I was worried it would come out a blob monster, or be full of air bubbles and be structurally weak. But somehow, I pulled it off, I cloned a willy and it looks like it was supposed to look! The only problem I encountered is that there is spot long the side where the vibrator veered off to the side instead of going straight down into the middle, and it produced a kind of thin spot where the silicone separated. Because of this, I’m not sure my cloned penis is going to get a whole lot of use – but I like looking at it just the same.

I can’t really review the toy in use in much detail as every penis will produce a different toy, but the silicone is firm and produced a nice matte finish. I’ve squeezed, bent, and abused my cloned willy and it has held up so far (I was worried about it splitting in half or something horrible like that). The vibrating aspect of it is weak and meh at best. If you really want your cloned penis to vibrate, I would look for something stronger to replace the included vibrator with (unless one-speed and weak is your thing). But, personally, I just want a straight up cloned silicone dildo, something I can proudly display and say “I made that. Me. All me.”

If I were to do this again (and I want to, I really want to!), I would forget the vibrating part all together. It added an extra step that created an over-flow of pink silicone disaster as I pushed it into the mold. Fun fact – don’t fill your penis mold to the top, because it turns out science is a real thing, and hot pink silicone gets displaced as you push solid objects in… big mess, big mistake.

Overall, the whole Clone-A-Willy experience was great. It was something my partner and I wouldn’t normally do (something most people don’t normally do?), it was good for a few laughs, it made for a cheap date night, and the end result was a neon pink version of a penis we can treasure forever (This is what your grandpops penis looked like way back in 2016, back when we had to walk to the Apple Store up-hill, both ways!). I really wish I had an extra set of hands while we made this, I would have loved to have been able to capture pictures of the whole cloning process! Sadly, I didn’t think to have my camera ready and I’m pretty sure my hands were already full enough!

So, my recommendation? Go buy yourself a Clone-A-Willy Kit. Just do it. You won’t regret it, even if you totally screw up the entire process, you are guaranteed some great laughs. Personally, I wouldn’t add the vibrator, I don’t think its worth it, but that’s up to you. There is nothing really wrong with it… other than being really weak and adding an extra step to your molding process. The Clone-A-Willy Kit comes in several different color choices, including glow in the dark! The hot pink is the color featured in this review, but you can also order neon purple, glow in the dark green, glow in the dark pink, glow in the dark blue, and a basic light pink skin toned version (currently I do not see any other realsitc skin tones listed on Lovehoney and I find that a big bummer.).

The Clone-A-Willy makes for a cheap date night, putting you back only $34.99 (a few bucks more if you want your cloned willy to glow in the dark!) and can be ordered directly from Lovehoney.com!

The Clone-A-Willy Vibrating Dildo Kit was sent to me by Lovehoney.com in exchange for my honest review.

Iroha+ Kushi by Tenga – Sex Toy Review

You may already be familiar with Tenga and their awesome line of male masturbation sleeves (check out my Air-Tech Masturbation Sleeve review!), but I personally lack a penis of my own, so I was pretty excited when Tenga introduced Iroha, their first line of female-oriented vibrators! Their clean, modern designs are super aesthetically pleasing, I love it.

Needless to say, I am a sucker for cute things. This toy could be a complete piece of shit (if you’ll pardon my language) and I would still squee all over it. Does it work? I don’t care, it’s cute. Does it help me to achieve orgasm in a pleasurable and efficient way? I don’t care, it’s cute. Is it plotting to take over the world by murdering all of its users? I DON’T CARE, IT’S CUTE!

Is this any way to review sex toys in an honest and informative manner? No, probably not. But… I don’t care. It’s so goddamn cute.

Just look at this darling, it looks like an abstract hedgehog. Or a seashell. Or a hedgehog who has dressed as a seashell for a costume party. Oh. For. Cute.

Beyond just being adorably elegant, the Kushi is also fantastically made, covered in a squishy, soft silicone and presented in one of the best storage containers I’ve encountered in a toy yet! Aesthetics-wise, the Kushi has a lot going for it. If I were to hold a sex toy beauty pageant and invite all my current vibrators to participate, the Kushi would be going home with the crown (The Je Joue MiMi would be the runner up, it looks like a tiny river rock.).

But, good looks alone don’t get me off (usually…).

The Kushi has five speeds and two rhythmic patterns. The two patterns I ignore completely, I’m not usually a pattern girl (with a few exceptions…), I mostly just like a steady stream of constant vibration against my clit, anything else can get frustrating real fast. The two included patterns aren’t bad, but there isn’t really anything note worthy about them either… use them if you like them, they are there… whatever. The five speeds are adequate. The Kushi’s strongest setting still falls well short of what I personally like, but it stills provides a surprisingly deep, rumbly vibration through all that silicone.

The “head” of the “hedgehog” is great for those times when I really want pin-point vibration concentrated right on my clit (or nipples, taint, etc). And, for those times when I’m just feeling a little too sensitive, I like to use the body to provide a broader spread of vibration, or to rub the textured ribs around/against my clit.

The Kushi arrived in a sturdy plastic box with a clear lid and a heavy black base. This both stores the Kushi in a clean, dust free environment, and also serves as the Kushi’s charging unit. The base charges the Kushi magnetically, all you do is connect the two control buttons on the underside of the toy to the two pins on the black base. Super simple! The base is powered by a USB cable, so easy to snap it into a laptop or USB compatible wall plug (my iPhone wall plug charges sex toys more often than it does my phone.).

Clean up is easy, even though gunk does get stuck between the ridges of the textural detailing, it is waterproof and can be easily dunked/run under water. Also, the folks at Tenga have clearly cast some kind of magical spell or created an tiny invisible force field around the Kushi, because honest to God, this is the first silicone toy I have ever owned that actually seems to repel lint. No joke, this is the least linty toy I have yet used.

At this point in my review I would just like to point out that whenever I share the Kushi with anyone, I make a “three seashells” joke. Because Demolition Man is one of my favorite movies and I will never apologize for that. NEVER.

Do I recommend the Iroha+ Kushi by Tenga? The design is unique, you’ll likely not own anything else quite like it in your toy collection, it is easy to use, clean and keep charged up and the addition of the storage case is awesome (however an added travel pouch would have been amazin.) For those reasons, I don’t think you can go wrong with adding the Kushi to your collection. But, are hungry for strong vibrations? Then, no… I probably won’t recommend this to you. For me, the Kushi falls short in strength, this toy doesn’t really see me all the way through to orgasm when I’m masturbating solo (unless I want to spend a long time at it.), but it does make a great warm up vibrator or works well when paired with one of my dildos. It is also a fun couples toy, the ribbed texture along the body make it great for sensation play. It is also not super awkward to hold and position during sex and does bring me to orgasm fairly easily during penetration. If you aren’t in the market for a vibrator with enough power to cause an earthquake, the Kushi will probably work for you. I’ll be honest, the vibrations were a lot deeper than I was expecting, I was kind of expecting it to look great, but only provide some surface level, buzzy vibrations. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised. So if you are wanting a palm-sized vibe with lighter to mid-level vibrations, the Kushi might be exactly what you are looking for.

The Iroha+ Kushi by Tenga can be purchased a variety of awesome online retailers! May I suggest Shevibe!

The Iroha+ Kushi was provided to me free of charge by Tenga in exchange for my honest review. 

Mighty Wand – Sex Toy Review

My collection of vibrating wands just keeps expanding! I’m totally cool with this. Wands are right there at the top of my sex toy favorites list. I am a wand girl… a wandette? No, that’s lame, forget I said that. But I do love wands, big wands, little wands, the more powerful the better! My love affair with wands began when I purchased my Original Magic Wand and after that I was hooked… (lazy masturbation I can do with my pants on? Sign me up!). So, when Castle Megastore added a “bonus” vibrating Mighty Wand along with the Stronic Eins, I was pretty excited!

Sadly, my excitement waned a bit after opening up the cardboard packaging. Something didn’t smell right. There was a rubbery-sweet odor wafting from the open box, it was pretty nauseating. Castle Megastore immediately offered to replace the Mighty Wand for me, concerned that is shouldn’t smell that way. I happily took them up on their offer of a replacement and they shipped out a brand new one with lightning speed (great customer service!). When the new Mighty Wand arrived I was relieved that I was not overpowered by a nasty stink upon opening. Whew!

Strong odors throw up all kinds of red flags in my brain. If a toy has a lingering bad smell, that is often a sure sign that unsafe chemicals are present within the toys materials. Ick. Boo. Nooooo!

Concerned that the Mighty Wands packaging did not list the materials the toy was constructed from, I took to twitter to find some answers. Thanks to a quick call to the Smitten Kitten, some amazing sex toy bloggers and Castle Megastore themselves, I was able to sort out what exactly the Mighty Wand is made of and whether or not it was safe to use.

 

TPE, thermoplastic elastomers, now we know what the Mighty Wand is made from, and it’s not as bad as I was expecting (sigh of relief)! But still not a material that I am particularly found of for a sex toy, it is on the “approach with caution” list. TPE toys are usually non-toxic, but they are definitely porous and porous toys can harbor mold and bacteria over time – gross. I am, however, happy that it doesn’t feel greasy (meaning it could be blended with toxic materials), it seems to be a stable material (it looks and feels like a hard silicone – I just wish it actually was silicone!), so I’m going to guess that it is safe to use, but porous. Porous toys won’t last forever, just keep an eye on it, and if it starts to smell or look weird/change colors, discard it.

Much like the Original Magic Wand (head made from vinyl), the Mighty Wand can not be completely sterilized. The best you can do is clean well with soap and water after every use (the Mighty Wand is not waterproof, so wipe with damp cloth – do not submerge!), Even using anti-bacterial toy cleaners will only clean the surface of the toy while the mold and bacteria make a home down in the toy’s pores. Also, make sure the wand is 100% dry before storing it away, no point in encouraging microbes to grow.

To make a long story short, because it is porous I am going to recommend that you don’t share this wand with multiple partners, put a layer of cloth between your skin and the toy, cover it with a condom, or find a silicone attachment to cover the head with (if one exists in a size small enough to fit the Mighty Wands head).

Thankfully, the Mighty Wand is not an insertable toy, which makes me feel a bit better about it. The head never has to come in contact with skin if you don’t want it too, the vibration are strong enough to carry through a layer of clothing. I used mine over panties and it worked out great. Like I said, if I can masturbate with my clothes still on, I’m all for it and the Mighty Wand was capable of sending vibrations through my jeans (not on the same level as my Hitachi, but it still worked.).

EDIT: I was given further clarification about the Mighty Wand’s TPE material! Castle Mega Store says – “TPE is hypoallergenic and phthalate free and no solvents or latex are used in the production process; making it an excellent material for people with chemical sensitivities and or have allergic reactions to other materials.” Excellent to hear!

That being said…beyond the TPE head material, the rest of the wand does seem very well made. It is heavy, solid, the buttons are easy to access and operate while in use and it is rechargeable (yay for cordless wands!).

The Mighty Wand is controlled with a rolling wheel, kind of like what you find in the middle of a computer mouse. I found this to be terribly misleading, I thought this meant I could fine tune my vibration settings by rolling the wheel, but for all the rolling it does, I can only find two speeds (correct me if I’m wrong, but its all I’m feeling!). These two speeds are pretty adequate though, albeit pretty buzzy. The slower speed is a nice warm up speed, and the higher pace brought me to orgasm no problem. If you are a real power hog, the Mighty Wand might leave you wanting more, but it should be plenty strong for the average wand user. If you prefer deep, rumbling vibrations, you aren’t going to like the Mighty Wand, this vibrator buzzes like a busy little bee and gave my vulva vibrator-numbness after use. But sometimes I like buzzy, its really a preference thing, nothing really wrong with it.

(I just had my Stunt Cock give the Mighty Wand a go and he thinks he can feel at least three or four speeds. I still only feel two. So I guess the number of speeds is currently up for interpretation! The Mighty Wand does advertise having “multi-speed.”)

Along with the rolling wheel, there is also a button on the side of the body which when held down causes the vibrator to start pulsating. While I don’t usually care much for rhythmic vibration patterns, I do love that I can jump in and out of the patterned vibration without cycling through various other settings. Just hold down the button, it pulsates, let go and it returns to a steady vibration. I also like that the pattern doesn’t leave a lot of dead air between the vibration blips, I hate patterns that work me up, then leave me hanging with dead air. I can’t handle that kind of frustrating tease.

The Mighty Wand is fairly discreet, while I wouldn’t call it “whisper quiet” (as advertised), it is quieter than my Hitachi and Doxy, and is not likely to be heard through a closed door. But, there is still a definite audible low pitched hum when in use.

Another thing I really like about the Mighty Wand is that it is rechargeable! Rechargeable, cordless wands are the gods’ gift to us all. The Mighty Wand is super easy to charge. It comes with a charging cable that plugs into a standard two pronged wall outlet. When plugged in there are little lights to indicate that it is charging or fully charged.

The smaller head size is great, at first I thought there was no way that the Mighty Wand’s tiny head was going to cover enough area for me to reach an orgasm, but its small size never became an issue for me. In fact, the small head makes the Mighty Wand much easier to wield during partner sex, for example, my Hitachi becomes awkward and uncomfortable during me on the bottom sex, it just rams into my pubic bone, vibrates my partners stomach in a weird way, and just kind of makes a nuisance of itself until I’m forced to roll over onto all fours to get the job done. The Mighty Wand is small enough to slip between my partner and I without having to remind us its there with every thrust. It works, I like that.

Do I recommend the Mighty Wand? At this point, yes. I’m going to keep my eye on my Mighty Wand to see just how stable the TPE is, but the wand itself isn’t bad. Just know that you are buying a porous toy. The vibrations are strong, however I wish I could feel more variation between the speeds (assuming there really is more than two), they are also buzzy (but some people like that!). Over all, I am pretty happy with the quality of the Mighty Wand, the shape and the size work out just right for me and my grip strength, I was able to use it both laying on my back and on all fours doggy style without it becoming too heavy or awkward to maneuver around. The buttons were easily accessible while in use and the roller wheel moves without much effort. With just a small change in materials (cough silicone cough) I would be 99.9% happy with this wand.

The Mighty Wand is priced at a fairly reasonable (for a rechargeable wand) $79.99 and can be purchased from Castle Megastores.

The Mighty Wand was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. A small fee was paid for an expedited review, but in no way affects my opinion of the product. 

Fun Factory Stronic Eins – Sex Toy Review

This is a big moment for me. Monumental even. I now own a Fun Factory Stronic Eins! I have been lusting over this toy since the dawn of time (okay, since it was first introduced), it is one of those toys that I always have to turn on and fondle anytime I walk into a sex toy shop. I loved to just hold it in my hands, feel it pulsating, and drift off into sexy little daydreams about how this beauty would feel thrusting around in my vagina.

And now, thanks to Castle Megastores, I no longer have to dream. The Stronic Eins is mine. Mine I tell you! MIIIIIINE! MUHAHAHahahahaha! Ooh, this toy apparently brings out the evil super villain in me.

Okay, I know what you are thinking, “dude, chill, it just looks like a normal vibrator.” But I simply will not chill good sir/madam, because unlike normal vibrators, the Fun Factory Stronic Eins does not vibrate. It pulsates. Inside of the Stronic Eins’ hallow body, there is a solid metal weight that slides back and forth in a linear fashion, which is what gives the Stronic Eins the sensation of thrusting. It’s pretty wild and kind of hard to describe…

How about this, you know those goofy Shake Weights that were oddly popular for awhile? The Stronic Eins pretty much feels like a Shake Weight, but for your genitals. A genital Shake Weight. But, unlike a Shake Weight, you don’t have to put in any effort into shaking it, just turn it on and lay back, let the Stronic Eins do the rest (the same technique I use with the Womanizer. Set it and forget it.) The ultimate in lazy masturbation!

Personally, I have found that I like to lay on my back, insert the Stronic Eins, pushing down on the handle in order to angle the tip of the toy up into my G-Spot and enjoy. It’s pure heaven. I also suggest paying attention to how you hold it. I’ve found that the Stronic Eins works best if you grip it very lightly, just enough to keep it from slipping out of place, otherwise, If you hold onto it too tightly, it seems restricts the thrusting motion, dampening the effect. The Stroinc Eins also doesn’t seem to work standing up or kneeling, you really need to lay down to use it, so if you like to move around a lot and use varying positions, this toy might frustrate you.

Being a person who has had a fair amount of sex, I am pretty comfortable saying that the thrusting motion of the Stronic Eins is pretty similar to what you get with live action penis-in-vagina sex (If your partner only contained 10 predictable thrusting modes). Sure, it’s not perfect, and maybe you won’t be able to totally replace your significant other or fuck buddy with it, but I’d say it is probably as close an approximation to the real thing as you can get with a hand held toy.

The Fun Factory Stronic Eins charges via magnetic magic. It also takes a reaaaaaally long time to charge, when I pulled my Stronic Eins from the box, I secretly hoped it came already charged, no such luck. It takes about 16ish hours to reach full charge, but I have only had to charge it once so far… and I have been using this toy a lot (half the time I just turn it on to hold in my hand to watch it wiggle.), so it holds a charge well (unlike my iPhone. Yeah, I’m looking at you buddy… pull it together.)

The Stronic Eins has 10 modes. Each mode has been given a really dumb and ambiguous name in the instruction manual…”Quicky” “Vienna Waltz” and “Dirty Dancing” to name a few. When you turn on the Eins, it starts up on its fourth setting “Perfect Start,” then from there you can use the the (+) button to move into its “constant” and “dynamic” modes and the (-) to move down into its “algorithmic” modes. I wish I could give you a clearer explanation for what this all means… but… your guess is as good as mine. Best I can tell you is, push the (+) to up the speed, and use the (-) to find the various patterns. More or less. It’s complicated. To turn the Stronic Eins off, just hold down the (-) button.

When amped up to its highest setting (“Rollerball”), the inner weight isn’t really felt as clearly and it begins to feel more like a vibrator like to me. I think, for the first time in the history of sex toys, I prefer the lowest, slowest setting on a toy. When at its lowest settings (“Samba” and “Rumble”), the Stronic Eins is very thuddy and the pulsating technology really shines through. Also, a likely first, I don’t completely ignore the various pattern settings. They actually enhance the toy, rather than feeling like a poorly executed after thought. “Gallop” and “Rumba” are my personal favorites.

It is worth pointing out that this toy is not anal safe. But fear not, your precious butt hole hasn’t been completely left out of the fun! If you are looking for anal play, you will want to pick yourself up the Stronic Drei – great for both the g and p spots! Its flared base makes it safe for anal use.

Other noteworthy features: It is waterproof, which makes it really easy to clean. It can be locked for travel (just push the (FUN) and (-) to lock and (Fun) and (+) to unlock it again.), the buttons are well spaced and easy to find and push when I’m holding the Eins down between my legs. It is also remarkably quiet, making it a great toy when you want to be more discreet. But, it does not come with its own storage bag. For $200, I really would have expected some kind of storage bag… come on.

Do I recommend the Fun Factory Stronic Eins? I think it is one of the few sort of novelty toys that actually lives up to its hype. Do you have double penetration fantasies but only one partner? Maybe the Stronic Eins can help you out! Are you separated from your penis of choice by a great distance? Talk dirty to each other and the Stronic Eins can add some realism to your phone sex! A fun toy for both solo and partner play. The price tag however, is a huge frowny face for me. Sadly, the Stronic Eins isn’t going to fit into everyone’s budget. The nearly $200 price tag is what kept me from purchasing it the very first time I saw it, it was one of those toys I wanted quite badly, but couldn’t quite justify dropping the cash for it. But, if you have been saving up and are ready to splurge, have a big birthday/anniversary/special event coming up, or are just Scrooge McDuck rich, treat yourself to the Stronic Eins, seriously. There really isn’t anything else comparable to the Fun Factory’s pulsator technology on the market right now. If you don’t like thrusting, or g-spot stimulation isn’t your thing, the Stronic Eins may turn out to be more of a silly novelty for you. But for me, it is definitely a toy box must have!

Ready to pick up a Fun Factory Stronic Eins of your own? Castle Megastore can make your dreams come true! Available in two colors dark violet (pictured in this review) and pink for $199.99.

The Fun Factory Stronic Eins was provided to me free of charge by Castle Megastores in exchange for my honest review. 

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