This is a big moment for me. Monumental even. I now own a Fun Factory Stronic Eins! I have been lusting over this toy since the dawn of time (okay, since it was first introduced), it is one of those toys that I always have to turn on and fondle anytime I walk into a sex toy shop. I loved to just hold it in my hands, feel it pulsating, and drift off into sexy little daydreams about how this beauty would feel thrusting around in my vagina.
And now, thanks to Castle Megastores, I no longer have to dream. The Stronic Eins is mine. Mine I tell you! MIIIIIINE! MUHAHAHahahahaha! Ooh, this toy apparently brings out the evil super villain in me.
Okay, I know what you are thinking, “dude, chill, it just looks like a normal vibrator.” But I simply will not chill good sir/madam, because unlike normal vibrators, the Fun Factory Stronic Eins does not vibrate. It pulsates. Inside of the Stronic Eins’ hallow body, there is a solid metal weight that slides back and forth in a linear fashion, which is what gives the Stronic Eins the sensation of thrusting. It’s pretty wild and kind of hard to describe…
How about this, you know those goofy Shake Weights that were oddly popular for awhile? The Stronic Eins pretty much feels like a Shake Weight, but for your genitals. A genital Shake Weight. But, unlike a Shake Weight, you don’t have to put in any effort into shaking it, just turn it on and lay back, let the Stronic Eins do the rest (the same technique I use with the Womanizer. Set it and forget it.) The ultimate in lazy masturbation!
Personally, I have found that I like to lay on my back, insert the Stronic Eins, pushing down on the handle in order to angle the tip of the toy up into my G-Spot and enjoy. It’s pure heaven. I also suggest paying attention to how you hold it. I’ve found that the Stronic Eins works best if you grip it very lightly, just enough to keep it from slipping out of place, otherwise, If you hold onto it too tightly, it seems restricts the thrusting motion, dampening the effect. The Stroinc Eins also doesn’t seem to work standing up or kneeling, you really need to lay down to use it, so if you like to move around a lot and use varying positions, this toy might frustrate you.
Being a person who has had a fair amount of sex, I am pretty comfortable saying that the thrusting motion of the Stronic Eins is pretty similar to what you get with live action penis-in-vagina sex (If your partner only contained 10 predictable thrusting modes). Sure, it’s not perfect, and maybe you won’t be able to totally replace your significant other or fuck buddy with it, but I’d say it is probably as close an approximation to the real thing as you can get with a hand held toy.
The Fun Factory Stronic Eins charges via magnetic magic. It also takes a reaaaaaally long time to charge, when I pulled my Stronic Eins from the box, I secretly hoped it came already charged, no such luck. It takes about 16ish hours to reach full charge, but I have only had to charge it once so far… and I have been using this toy a lot (half the time I just turn it on to hold in my hand to watch it wiggle.), so it holds a charge well (unlike my iPhone. Yeah, I’m looking at you buddy… pull it together.)
The Stronic Eins has 10 modes. Each mode has been given a really dumb and ambiguous name in the instruction manual…”Quicky” “Vienna Waltz” and “Dirty Dancing” to name a few. When you turn on the Eins, it starts up on its fourth setting “Perfect Start,” then from there you can use the the (+) button to move into its “constant” and “dynamic” modes and the (-) to move down into its “algorithmic” modes. I wish I could give you a clearer explanation for what this all means… but… your guess is as good as mine. Best I can tell you is, push the (+) to up the speed, and use the (-) to find the various patterns. More or less. It’s complicated. To turn the Stronic Eins off, just hold down the (-) button.
When amped up to its highest setting (“Rollerball”), the inner weight isn’t really felt as clearly and it begins to feel more like a vibrator like to me. I think, for the first time in the history of sex toys, I prefer the lowest, slowest setting on a toy. When at its lowest settings (“Samba” and “Rumble”), the Stronic Eins is very thuddy and the pulsating technology really shines through. Also, a likely first, I don’t completely ignore the various pattern settings. They actually enhance the toy, rather than feeling like a poorly executed after thought. “Gallop” and “Rumba” are my personal favorites.
It is worth pointing out that this toy is not anal safe. But fear not, your precious butt hole hasn’t been completely left out of the fun! If you are looking for anal play, you will want to pick yourself up the Stronic Drei – great for both the g and p spots! Its flared base makes it safe for anal use.
Other noteworthy features: It is waterproof, which makes it really easy to clean. It can be locked for travel (just push the (FUN) and (-) to lock and (Fun) and (+) to unlock it again.), the buttons are well spaced and easy to find and push when I’m holding the Eins down between my legs. It is also remarkably quiet, making it a great toy when you want to be more discreet. But, it does not come with its own storage bag. For $200, I really would have expected some kind of storage bag… come on.
Do I recommend the Fun Factory Stronic Eins? I think it is one of the few sort of novelty toys that actually lives up to its hype. Do you have double penetration fantasies but only one partner? Maybe the Stronic Eins can help you out! Are you separated from your penis of choice by a great distance? Talk dirty to each other and the Stronic Eins can add some realism to your phone sex! A fun toy for both solo and partner play. The price tag however, is a huge frowny face for me. Sadly, the Stronic Eins isn’t going to fit into everyone’s budget. The nearly $200 price tag is what kept me from purchasing it the very first time I saw it, it was one of those toys I wanted quite badly, but couldn’t quite justify dropping the cash for it. But, if you have been saving up and are ready to splurge, have a big birthday/anniversary/special event coming up, or are just Scrooge McDuck rich, treat yourself to the Stronic Eins, seriously. There really isn’t anything else comparable to the Fun Factory’s pulsator technology on the market right now. If you don’t like thrusting, or g-spot stimulation isn’t your thing, the Stronic Eins may turn out to be more of a silly novelty for you. But for me, it is definitely a toy box must have!
The Fun Factory Stronic Eins was provided to me free of charge by Castle Megastores in exchange for my honest review.